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Jared Allen No Longer Allowed To Perform Sack Dance

Because the National Football League has solved all of their other problems, they took some time out this week to inform Vikings’ defensive end Jared Allen that he will be fined if he performs his trademark “calf-roping” sack dance. The league also said that the Vikings would receive a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty if Allen does the celebration again.

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NFL rules prohibit players from going to the ground in celebration, unless it’s in an act of prayer.

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In a related story, we’ll still get to watch every jerk in a green and yellow uniform that scores a touchdown in Green Bay jump into the stands like an idiot. That, apparently, is kosher.

Photographs by Micah Taylor, clairity, and Fibonacci Blue used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.