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Brilliant Satire Of Timberwolves's Open Letter To Fans

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Sometimes the internet amazes with its ability to produce genius. Today is one of those days.

Bethlehem Shoals and Tom Ziller put together an incredible follow-up to the Minnesota Timberwolves’s ridiculous full-page newspaper ad that openly admitted the team is “not likely” to compete for an NBA title.

The entire thing is so quotable I don’t even know where to start with the blockquotes. Let’s try this…

We thought we could get an actual player to help us for [Al] Jefferson, but the market for a potential 20/10 power forward with smooth as marble post moves seemed to dry up as soon as it become known publicly that we’d be trading him. We’re not quite sure why that happened, but have launched a full investigation to see whether the Wolves organization has a mole embedded within. We will not rest until we find out why Jefferson’s value tanked so badly we could only get two future draft picks for him.

Or maybe this…

We said we were going to be honest, so let’s be honest: We tout Darko [Milicic] much more than we tout [Kevin] Love because Love is a holdover from the pre-blueprint team. He cannot be “manna from Heaven” because we did not acquire him, that idiot McHale did.

Or this…

We know that Jonny [Flynn’s] best attributes are running a team and leadership. That said, we think he could use some help running a team and providing leadership. That’s why we brought in Luke Ridnour as a free agent.

Just go read it right now.

Photographs by Micah Taylor, clairity, and Fibonacci Blue used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.