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Twins Crushed By Tigers 8-1

Seriously, can this get any worse?

I mean, if this were a nightmare, it would have been constructed by Ellen Page, and it would star Michael Myers, Freddie Krueger, AND Jason.

Really, what more can be said? Bad pitching, terrible hitting, injuries, locusts, the Mississippi turning blood red (okay, maybe not the locusts and river part) have conspired to turn the Twins promising “It’s Happening” to “It’s Not Happening” to “A Disaster Is Happening” to “It’s Almost Friggin’ Comical What’s Happening”.

Minnesota is now 5-18 for the month of August, haven’t scored more than one run in six games, and are the first Twins team in history to lose six straight at home.

Not even the epically bad Billy Gardner managed clubs of the early 80’s or the TK teams of the late 90’s managed that.

So for the rest of the season, when you come here to read a Twins recap, it’s going to sound eerily familiar to this:

(Insert Starting Pitcher Name here) was terrible, unable to get out of the 6th inning, giving up a boatload of runs. The offense was just as bad, as (insert name of any hitter here) couldn’t advance a runner home from second with no outs, and (relief pitcher’s name here) was gasoline on a fire, taking what might have been a close game and turning it into a laugher in either the 6th, 7th, or 8th inning.

Yeah, that about sums every game up this year.

Photographs by Micah Taylor, clairity, and Fibonacci Blue used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.